By Jason, M.Ed., M.A.R., Headmaster
I’d like to take a moment to speak as a father to other fathers. Dads, have you read Ephesians 6:4 lately? As a husband and a father, I am always convicted whenever I read Ephesians 5 and 6. In Ephesians 5:25-31, God commands me to love my wife as Christ loves the church, to lay down my life for her well-being, for her ultimate good. Then, in Ephesians 6:4, God commands me with these words, “do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”
As I reflect on this verse as a dad, I think of all the things I do that tend to provoke my children to anger. God isn’t telling me to just give my children everything they ask for as soon as they ask for it so they’ll never be upset. Actually, that kind of spoiling and over-indulging usually leads to kids who are even angrier because the answer cannot always be yes. Children are provoked to anger when their dads are inconsistent, hypocritical or overly controlling. As a sinner prone to all three of these faults, I find great reason to pray for forgiveness and grace when I examine my own behaviors.
The second part of this verse issues a challenging call to a positive vision for our children. It is really the antidote to the problem addressed in the first half of the verse. We can avoid provoking our children to wrath by focusing our energies instead on “bringing them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” Another way to translate this charge is “nourish them in the training and warning of the Lord.” In other words, there is a positive training or instruction (paideia) and a negative warning or admonition (nouthesia).
Too often, as conscientious parents, we focus almost all of our energies on the nouthesia, the warnings or admonishing – Don’t watch that movie. Don’t listen to that song. Don’t hang out with those people. In our corrupt culture, this is very necessary. It is a central and vital part of what God calls us as fathers to do. Do you know what songs, web sites, video, games, movies and friends are influencing your children? Do you know what effect they’re having? Have you warned and admonished your children about such things? You should, but that’s not enough.
It’s not enough to keep our children away from the negative. We must also instill in them the positive, the paideia. We must train them in a Christian world and life view, in a positive understanding of the value of knowing, loving and serving the Lord. We must teach them how to study the Bible, how to pray, how to know Christ, how to share their faith with others. We must train them in working hard, focusing on Godly priorities, etc.
This is a tough world and the calling of fathers is not an easy one. With two young boys and a little girl on the way, I feel the weight of the responsibility. Thankfully, I am not called to do this work or carry this burden on my own. As God commands, so He also enables and strengthens us by His Holy Spirit. We will fail, but even in our failures we have opportunity to teach our children. Let’s not give up on the work he’s given us to do. No one else can do it for us. Your children will have many friends, influences, teachers and role models in life. They have only one father. May God grant us the grace to father well, even as He fathers us.