By Erika
“...thought I belonged
but I know I don't
thought I had love
but it is not enough
an aching inside speaking to me
how could I feel like this
so aimless
I've always known this wasn't home...”
- Aimless -
[Bethany Dillon]
I was hit with a thought tonight while I was doing my quiet time. The funny thing is, it did didn’t really have too much to do with my designated reading - it came by way of my ipod. I wasn’t paying much attention to the music playing in my headphones until I heard the line I've always known this wasn't home ring in my ears.
Something clicked.
We all go through this feeling of complete displacement and utter loneliness when we leave our parents’ houses. But I’m a junior in college. Part of me says, “This isn’t right. This should be gone by now.” The feeling has remained, but it has changed over the past couple years. No matter where I go, nowhere feels like home anymore. And what I think I’m realizing, as stupid as it may seem, I guess I’m supposed to feel this way.
It’s not that I don’t have a home. I’m a Christian. I’m never going to feel at home, that everything is right; that I’m one hundred percent safe - until I get to Heaven. It seems like such a simple concept. But I needed to be reminded. Part of me wants to say “if I’m going to continue to feel like this for the rest of my life, take me now!” But he’s obviously got big plans he wants me to play a part in. Otherwise, he would have already brought me home. And as intimidating as his plans may be, I’m excited. Because I know he’s got something amazing up his sleeve.
[Editor's Note: Erika has graduated from college since writing this post. But it was too good to not share again. I mean, aren't we all longing for home? If you are interested in getting Bethany Dillion's CD that includes this song, here is the link.]