Renee, LSWA
I'm the mom of a teenage daughter. Thanks for your sympathy! She's a great girl-beautiful, talented, smart, kind (most of the time)! She's really a good kid and I'm so very proud to be her mom. But even my "good kid" can become easily caught up in the "Me, Me, Me!" pit. Last summer, she won a Go Phone at a Bingo. You can imagine the excitement of the first cell phone. I was wary at first about the whole thing but her dad and I decided she could have it, but she had to earn the money to keep it stocked with minutes. She did odd jobs for friends of the family and her aunts and uncles and she did earn the money. She was never without the phone, waiting for the next "bzzz" to notify her when someone was trying to communicate with her.
Much to my dismay, it became a constant companion and we began to see more of the top of her bent head and less of her beautiful face. As she turned more inward, communication with my daughter changed drastically. I didn't like who my daughter was becoming and I didn't like who I was becoming with her.
Presently, she no longer has the phone. My husband and I decided to take it away for awhile. She was angry at first, but oh what a difference it has made in our relationship. She's interacting with family and friends differently; having real conversations. She's laughing more. She's dialed in (pardon the pun) to real relationships vs. some poor substitute. I have my daughter back! And...she recognizes it too. How awesome is that!
I encourage you to read the article below from Rebecca Hagelin (30 Ways in 30 Days to Save Your Family). She hosts a Cultural Challenge of the Week. Last week was on narcissism and how to combat it in our children. One way our family does this, is by serving together. We do this every month in a great ministry called, Angel Food Ministries. One Saturday a month she gets up at 5:00am to go with me to pick up the food so we can spend the morning distributing it from our church into the community. It will be some good quality time together and I cherish it. By God's grace, my lovely daughter will continue to grow into the godly woman God plans for her to become.
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"Love your neighbor as you love yourself" is a Biblical command with at least two very clear meanings.
We are to love others, and we are to love ourselves.
It's pretty basic, but incredibly powerful.
Sadly, in our pop culture it seems that many of our young people are focused only on the "self love" part, and have even perverted that love into an obsession with themselves. And, when that happens, it's impossible to fulfill the first part of the command: to truly love others.
Why? Because to love someone means you are willing to sacrifice for them. To consider their needs and desires before your own. But, if everything is "all about me," it's pretty difficult to see the hurt in someone else's eyes.
It's up to us, as adults and parents, to stop and reflect on how we can save our own children from a life of selfishness and obsession with themselves. And, it starts with looking at what our own priorities are:
How do we live? Do our children feel as if we as moms and dads are always focused on our own careers and desires at the expense of spending time with them? Do we hand the responsibility over to others to teach, entertain and take care of children while we work endless hours to have the life we want? If so, we're teaching them to do the very same thing.
This is such a common problem in our materialistic, goal-driven world that it is the topic of the Culture Challenge of the Week.
Culture Challenge of the Week: Narcissism
Deeply embedded in today's culture, narcissism has crept into our children's mentality like a thief in the night, actually robbing them (and everyone around them) of much dignity and happiness.
Young people spend hours every day updating their Facebook pages, post and e-mail countless pictures of themselves, and plug their ears with music to create a self-indulgent existence, shut-off from everyone around them. I recently went online and viewed the page of a friend-of a-friend-of a-friend-of my daughter's on Facebook and discovered literally hundreds of pictures of the girl posing like a super model.
Where are our children learning to be so obsessed with self? From adults, of course.
In 2006, Time Magazine voted "You" as the "Person of the Year." And, why not? Peruse the popular magazine covers and they are all about indulging in your own desires and fantasies. Just watch television for a couple of hours and you'll walk away feeling as if you owe it to yourself to have an affair, spend lavishly on yourself, and be your "own man" at the expense of everyone else.
And then there's the American obsession with pornography -- the ultimate objectification and degradation of other human beings. Men, women girls and boys are all there for your personal pleasure in millions of websites, advertisements, shows and publications. The heaviest users of online porn are teenagers and young adults, and it is teaching them that people are objects to be used and discarded at will, and that the only thing that matters is indulging in fantasies. When our kids are consuming such raunchy material, how on Earth will they ever understand what it truly means to love someone, to be committed to another unconditionally, to even value human life?
And, look at the economic mess we are in. Too many spent way beyond their means on trinkets and toys and demanded the best when their budgets could afford what was "only" good enough. They bought homes and cars and gadgets a plenty, with the swipe of an interest-only loan or a "special low introductory rate" credit card. America is largely an entitlement society where we demand that the government provide us with health-care, retirement, and a comfortable life, with no concern of who will pay for utopia.
Then there is the phenomenon of abortion on demand, without apology, through the ninth month of pregnancy. Have all the sex you want, with whomever you want; and, if you get pregnant, just "terminate" it regardless of how the father may feel. And the baby? What baby? It's just tissue, remember? How convenient.
Our kids see our selfish, irresponsible ways and learn the lesson, 'It's all about me.'
How to Save Your Family from, " Me, me, me!"
When our culture is all about "My body, my career, my choice, my, my, my..." what is a parent to do?
Thankfully, we've known the answer all along: Practice the Golden Rule.
"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."
The wisdom in this Biblical admonishment is so self-evident that it is universally admired, but tragically, rarely followed. It is the basic tenant for successful human relationships, the economy, personal finances, you name it. Imagine the good that could accomplished, the human suffering that would be replaced with human achievement, if we treated others with the dignity and thoughtfulness we ourselves crave.
The two greatest gifts we can give our children are to teach them to love God with all that is within them, and to love their neighbors as they love themselves.
Here are five easy ways to start:
Invest time in your kids rather than being obsessed with your own career and hobbies. If your kids see that you are not concerned about them enough to sacrifice your own desires and pour into their lives, how will they ever learn to pour into others? NOTE: This is not to be confused with indulging your children in their every whim. Quite the contrary: When you spend time with your children teaching them how to live well and thoughtfully, you are molding them into decent, loving human beings. It takes both time, attention and patience to raise children who are stable, mature, polite and considerate. These qualities do not develop by accident, or from part-time parenting.
Be a role model. Considerate, well-mannered, thoughtful children come from parents who exude those behaviors themselves. Evaluate the media you consume. Does it promote selfishness? If so, stop the magazine subscriptions, change the channel, and get an Internet filter! (By the way, check out www.MyMpowerBox.com for a soon-to-be released all-in-one tool to filter both the internet and television shows.)
Share stories of kindness. Start seeking movies, books and shows that teach what is highest and best; that glorify human decency instead of depravity.
Be generous. You may not be rich, but everyone can be generous with their time and talents. There's nothing more selfless than giving to someone who can't possibly ever repay you. Your kids are watching you all the time, and when you are generous, they learn to be generous too.
Practice "Random Acts of Kindness." Think of something nice to do for someone else every day, and then do it. Consistently.
Narcissism eventually leads from self-love to self-loathing. But, living the Golden Rule is a powerful way to spread joy, improve the human condition, and develop true self-respect.
Your children are waiting for you to show them the way.