One Word At A Time: Birds And Bees
Tuesday, January 12, 2010 at 7:00AM MAD21 By MAD21
Ok. I know. The word for this week's carnival is Lust. But I have to be honest with you and say, I just simply could not figure out what to write about, or what I would be comfortable writing about. I thought of going with the lust for power, either at work or over your child, but I just couldn't make the post work. But it did bring to mind an important topic for families, and that is the dreaded sex talk.
Ever wonder why we all, or most of us, really dread the day we have to explain where babies come from to our kids? I think a lot of it has to do with how we were brought up and how it was all explained to us. However unintentional it was on my parents part, discussing anything related to sex was shameful and embarrassing. I was one of those kids who blushed and turned away at the sight of anyone kissing on TV or anywhere else. My friends will tell you that even today, it doesn't take much to make me blush. I was told by many that this would go away once I had kids. I am here to tell you, it did not.
Like most people, I had friends who were more than happy to explain things to me growing up (and believe it or not, I was lucky that the information they passed on to me was mostly right). And then there are the excruciatingly painful presentations they made us sit through in fifth and sixth grades. Ugh. My mother came to the one we had to sit through in sixth grade. Talk about wanting to live inside my desk.
Anyway, even though it is still not my favorite topic, my husband and I are going to do what we can to teach our kids the way God would want them to learn. We will be the ones to explain about how their bodies work, their responsibilities to take care of their bodies, in addition to teaching about modesty and relationships. I will not allow my children to grow up feeling like their sexuality, or their body is something they should be ashamed of. It is a gift from God.
Our kids are surrounded by sensuality, sex, and inappropriate innuendos. They get hit from every direction even when they are as little as ours are. It's all over the radio, commercials, movies, TV shows, and there are even innuendos in a lot of the cartoons they want to watch (or think they want to watch). And let me tell you, it is VERY frustrating that it's so hard to find clothing that is appropriate. I'm sorry, but a mini-skirt you can't bend over in without showing more than you should see is SO not appropriate for my six year old, let alone my three year old. Michael Hyatt actually had a terrific article this week called, "Whatever Happened to Modesty?" I highly recommend it.
I think that we as parents need to step up and do what is right. Set a good example in our own lives, and talk to our kids about anything and everything related to sex and relationships. I know I don't want my kids believing all the lies they will see in the movies and TV shows they will eventually watch. Nor do I want them to be swayed by their friends into believing that purity isn't important. I want our kids to be confident in the promises of God, and like all other temptations, walk away when they know something isn't right.
Focus on the Family has two really great articles about talking to your kids about sex. They give some terrific advice on how to present the information, as well as our responsibilities as a family. Please take some time to go and read, Teaching Children Healthy Sexuality and How to Start Early.
Focus on the Family also has several books on the same topic. I haven't read them yet myself, but they are worth looking into:
How to Talk Confidently to Your Child About Sex by Lenore Buth. "You want your children to know your wishes and God's plan for their sexuality, but today's movies, music and books often lead them in the wrong direction. [This book] helps you find the right words to ensure that your children have a Christ-centered understanding of one of God's most precious gifts. Whether you have a son or daughter, [it] enables you to point them in the right direction."
A Chicken's Guide to Talking Turkey with Your Kids About Sex by Dr. Kevin Leman and Kathy Flores Bell. "Ignorance about sexual matters is downright dangerous! Your child's future depends greatly on receiving the right guidance from you. This practical book is not just another development manual, but it focuses on intellectual matters, where decisions about sex are made, and relationships with parents are cultivated."
How and When to Tell Your Kids About Sex by Stan Jones and Brenna Jones. "More often than not, we parents are caught off guard when our children come to us with questions about sex. And if we're unprepared, the chances are we'll give awkward, embarrassed, incomplete answers. Too often, we don't know how to talk to our kids about sex, or when we should do it. It doesn't have to be this way."
How to Talk to Your Kids About Sexuality by David L. Scherrer and Lilnda M. Klepacki. "Worried about having the dreaded sex talk with your kids? This book delivers the undiluted truth of God's Word to demonstrate His beautiful design for sexuality. As parents and youth leaders, reclaim your role as primary sex educators of your children as you're equipped to address and answer the tough questions."
Coincidentally, tonight as I was tucking my oldest into bed for the night, she said she had some questions for me. The first one was pretty harmless, "Mommy, why don't some parents want to have babies?" The second, "Mommy, how does the baby come out of your stomach?"
I'll be leaving you now to go read some of these books. Pray that I can read fast, and that I can have the courage to not cover my eyes.
This post is a participant in a blog carnival over at Bridget Chumbley's One Word at a Time.
Be sure to go and check out what everyone else wrote on: Lust.
Faith, Family, Lust, One Word At A Time, Sexuality in One Word At A Time
Reader Comments (15)
Ginny, this is a great post. I remember when my kids started to ask those first few questions... I thought those were difficult, but now that they are 12 and 14... ugh!
Thanks for sharing your thoughts and the great resources. Good luck! ;)
Very good post. I have been there, am now facing "THE TALK" with myGrand daughters.
Two of them have very shy Mommies
They are far more advanced than my daughter and Daughter in Law were at their ages.
Maybe they will refresh my memory.
Kristi
Bridget is right - it's a great post. I was in fourth grade when my mother got pregnant with my younger brother and my father explained, sort of, how that happened. I thought he had lost his mind. With my own two sons, well, yes, it was with a great deal of fear and trepidation that we had "the talk." But it turned out okay, mostly because God knew what he was doing when I didn't. But they did understand that sexuality is how God made us, and He did it for a specific purpose -- and He didn't do it for our purposes.
If makes you feel any better; my parents never did explain Ginny. I don't know how I succeeded at raising three daughters, but I can remember thinking more than once, "Lord, I am really struggling with this one." Somehow, with my husband's help we managed to work together in discussing the subject matter with our girls. I don't think they hold it against me that I can still turn two-shades of red when we talk about things that come up. I agree--great post.
Ah, yes. I remember my formative years during elementary school, laughing at even the SLIGHTEST thing that could possibly be innuendo. It was kind of sad to look back at it all, but it was hilarious for me at the time.
Good post, even if it did skirt (eh? Nice tie in, no?) the issue a bit!
My parents never talked about it when I was a kid and I don't even remember how I came to know. Even now as adults, we don't discuss things like that. It's just something we never talk at home. Oh and by God's grace we all turned out fine.
With great care I selected a book my smart daughter and I could read together, a chapter at a time, then we'd discuss. I'd let her ask questions and if the book didn't have an answer we'd research. Long about chapter 6 I looked ahead and decided "we" weren't mature enough yet for chapter 7 so I told her we'd skip that one. "I already read it Mom," she said, "I've already read the whole book." No matter how careful you think you need to be, it's better to get the good information discussed or available.
Thanks for the great resources and your care and thinking about this.
As the mother of two college aged daughters I can truly appreciate this post. Keep forging ahead. Because the choices and temptations and questions only get harder and deeper as they get older. And you will be so thankful you've opened the communication door now. As uncomfortable as that is. And it is uncomfortable : )
While I'm all for having "the talk" with the kids, in addition to this, we need to remember our children learn about relationships based upon how we model for them -- even when we think they're not paying attention.
I'm on the other side of this - I'm the kid asking questions. :>)
It's refreshing to hear that the weirdness works both ways, but I'm glad to see it addressed. Openness about it is the key from what I can tell. Otherwise, yes, it end up being this awkward exchange that no one wants to talk about, but everyone needs to know.
-Marshall Jones Jr.
Great and practical. Thanks!
My friends and I were just talking about this the other night. I think the way our parents talk to us about sex shapes so much of what we believe about it, and how we approach the subject for the rest of our lives. Trying to communicate the mystery, excitement and sanctity of sex is no easy task, but it is completely worth aiming for. Looking back now as a 20-something, I'd much rather be embarrassed by those sex talks with my mom than never have had them at all.
Funny story. When I was around 7ish, I was teasing my older sister and her boyfriend. They were 14ish. I said something to the effect of, "Mary wants to have sex with Jay," having no real understanding of what I was saying, but knowing full-well that that particular word would make them squirm. Squirm they did, and word got back to my mom, who awkwardly cornered me in her bedroom to ask me to explain what sex was.
I told her exactly what I knew from TV: You start kissing, you take off your clothes, and you get under the covers.
And she left it at that, to this day. I'm 27.
Good for you. Really. You can't shelter them from all innuendo, but at least let them hear the details from you.
Thanks SO much for all the comments and encouragement. It's nice that we can all laugh and suffer together through even the most uncomfortable subjects. :o)