Survivor's Guilt

By MAD21

There are people who come in and out of your life at unexpected times. And you never really know the full impact of their friendship until after a number of years, and in this situation after an illness threatens to take their life.

Around 1994, I was teaching a children's class at our church and I needed some help. I asked one of the parents of the kids in my class if he'd be interested in coming every week to help us out. He gladly accepted. Little did I know how that decision would impact both of our lives.

Roger worked with me until I changed positions in the ministry about a year and a half later. He then moved on to help another teacher for several years after that. He served many people in children's ministry including the special needs ministry, and was also elected and served as a Deacon. The kids, their parents, and many, many others came to love Roger over the years, including myself. But even more important, Roger developed a close relationship with Christ.

About two years ago, Roger was given a death sentence. He had colon cancer that had spread through his abdomen. When they found the cancer it had been growing for some time, and it was deemed pretty much "incurable." They tried a few treatments, but said he probably only had about 3-4 months to live, and at one point wanted to put him into hospice care.

After many, many months of surgeries, hospitals stays, infections, blockages and PRAYER, Roger was surviving, one day, one week, one month at a time. And, two years later, I am thrilled to say, his most recent scan shows him completely cancer free.

So much for that death sentence.

There are so many families we know who have loved ones battling cancer and other life threatening sicknesses. My blogger friend Megan over at Steps for Brady blogs about her family and their two-year-old son Brady's journey with Neuroblastoma. Even though he still has years of scans, therapy and tests ahead of him, he is one of the lucky ones who is winning his battle over cancer.

But for every story of survival, there is a story of someone who lost their battle. Just last week, I read a story of another little two-year-old girl who lost her battle over Neuroblastoma. We don't know why some survive and some don't. But I'm glad I'm not the one who has to decide.

I've been talking to Roger this past week or two about how things have been for him lately. There is something he's been struggling with. While he feels very blessed and grateful that his life has been spared, he is feeling something a little unexpected. Guilt.

As much as God was there before and during the cancer, He is with Roger even now as he works through these emotions. One of the things that Roger shared with me is an article he came across online by Leroy Sievers on an NPR radio blog called, "Survivor's Guilt." In it he says:

"Talk to anyone who's been in combat and it's a pretty good bet they've felt it. In the immediate rush after the shooting stops, you can feel more alive than you ever have before. It's the sheer joy of having survived. Your senses are sharper; the air is crystal clear. It's only afterward that it sinks in: Not everyone makes it; not everyone survives. That's where "survivor's guilt" comes in."

Roger told me, "This is exactly how I am feeling right now after the sudden death of my wife’s cousin. He died after a short battle with an aggressive cancer. I'm glad to know that after reading this blog, it isn't guilt but it's the sadness I feel when someone loses the fight, someone who didn't get the good news that I received. I do know that God has saved me for a reason. I'm waiting patiently to find out that reason."

There is a part of me that isn't surprised by this emotion coming from Roger. He is such a kind and giving person who would do anything for you. I can see why he would be feeling this way. And while I'm not going to pretend to know why his life was spared (although I have some ideas), what I told him was that regardless of the why or why-nots, his life gives hope to those who are still fighting their battles.

I always say, "We are never promised a tomorrow." So my advice to Roger; to anyone still in a battle for their life; and to the rest of us: live each day to the fullest. I know it sounds cliche, but it's true. Never wait to tell someone you love them. Never put off things that are important to you. And most important, never put off your relationship with Christ.

What can you do with your life today, so you could leave it tomorrow with no regrets? Whether you have battled a life-threatening illness or not, your life has been spared just the same as Roger. What has God called you to do?

Don't let the business of life take your focus off the goal.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11)

"Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize." (1 Corinthians 9:24)

"I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 3:14)

Comments

[Bridget]

We too are one of the lucky families that have beat cancer, and are blessed to have the hubby (and daddy to our kiddos) still with us today. Great post!