Advice To New Parents (And Old)
Monday, September 21, 2009 at 6:50PM MAD21 By Peter (Rediscovering the Church)
My one piece of advice to new parents is always this:
"They learn what you teach them!"
Sounds obvious, right?
Of course it is, except we very often forget how we are teaching our children.
Have you ever noticed that your children seem to have all your worst traits? As I watch my kids, I see the very worst aspects of my behavior and personality mirrored in their little lives. I see them shouting at each other and remember all the times I've raised my voice to them. I see them saying that they'll come right now and then continuing to do what they're doing for a couple of minutes and I remember all the times I say "I'll be right there" and then fail to drag myself away from my computer. I see so many things in them that I know they learned from me... yet I know that verbally I tried to teach them something different.
Most of the time, we think of 'teaching' as being done by talking. We teach our kids by instructing them in what is right and what is wrong, what they're allowed to do and what they're not allowed to do. When they're just learning to talk, we teach them by pointing at something and repeating over and over again what that thing is called. If you've ever learned a second (or third) language, you were most likely taught by repetition. We just naturally associate teaching with speaking.
However, studies have shown that possibly up to 93% of communication is non-verbal and this is especially true with the way we teach our children. They learn more by watching than they do by listening.
Every moment of every day that your child is awake, he or she is learning by watching you - and imitating what they see.
Whether it's how you act toward them, or your spouse, or other people or if it's how you behave and how you handle situations, they are taking it all in. What they see will influence how they then act in similar situations much more than anything you have tried to teach them verbally.
No matter how much you plead with them to do as you say not as you do, children will do as you do, not as you say.
They learn what you teach them - and you're teaching them twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week by everything you do.
Remember that before you act, before you react and before you teach them something you really don't want them to learn!
Peter is a fellow blogger who is a husband, stay-at-home dad, house church pastor, aspiring author and small business owner who tries to make God the center of everything he does. He's walking out his salvation and learning and struggling just like the rest of us!
Growing Up, Kids, Parents in Parents
Reader Comments (5)
Awesome post Peter!
Great words, Peter. I recently had a man who has 2 small children ask me how to teach his children morals. I told him kids learn by example. I said he needs to 'show' them and not just 'tell' them. His answer was...I was afraid you were going to say that.
Kevin - Thanks, it's great to have finally got my first post under my belt!
Bridget - I completely identify with how that man feels! It's so much easier to know the theory than to put it into practice!
These facts are a source of great frustration for me but ultimately challenge me to learn and grow, to live a life surrendered to Jesus. Excellent thoughts!
Thanks for such a great post, Peter. I have to say I have personally felt very convicted this week because of it. Funny how really these things are not new concepts, but sometimes the examples and suggestions given really hit home.