Balancing Life: A Father's Perspective
Wednesday, March 31, 2010 at 7:00AM MAD21 By Kevin (Shooting the Breeze)
Being a dad can be a balancing act sometimes.
Actually, it is not just a balancing sometimes; it is a balancing act ALL the time! On any given day my attention is being pulled in at least four different directions: toward my wife, toward my children, toward my job and toward myself.
All these aspects of my life are important BUT they are not of the same importance. I have to choose how I prioritize these different important aspects of my life. I must be living with the right priorities in place in order to find a happy balance in my life.
This is how my priorities line up right now:
Priority #1: My relationship with my wife Lauren. Lauren is my best friend and she needs to be my first priority. If our relationship is not strong, the other aspects of my life will suffer as well.
Some ways that we make our relationship a priority are: weekly date nights, yearly getaways and having a connecting time before we go to bed each night.
Priority #2: My relationship with my three daughters. I have to choose to make my daughter’s my second priority. I need to choose to invest my time and energy into them. The scary reality for me is the fact that I only get one chance at raising them. They are quickly growing up and if I don’t seize the opportunity now, I may lose it forever.
Some ways that I make my relationship with my daughter’s a priority are: weekly family game nights, giving my children my full attention after supper to bedtime (I definitely lapse on this one from time to time) and yearly family holidays.
Priority #3: My job. My job is important but it is not of most importance to me. I love being a pastor. I recognize though that sometimes I choose to elevate this priority over my first two priorities. When I do this my family suffers. Thankfully I have a job that can include my family at times but I still need to constantly make sure that the balance is right.
Some ways that I seek to find balance are: work only 45-50 hours a week, give myself permission to rest if a week is lighter, delegate and empower others (this is a work in progress), be proactive in my planning and only be out a maximum of three nights a week.
Priority #4: Myself. This is the one area that I struggle the most with. I know that I need to be making taking care of myself a higher priority because when I don’t everything else suffers. I have learned that the hard way a few times now.
Some ways that I make taking care of myself a priority are: monthly retreat days, a weekly Sabbath, regular exercise and attending at least one personal growth conference a year.
I wish I could say that I have the balancing act all figured out but I don’t. I need to be doing constant evaluation to keep things in order.
How do you live out balance in your life?
Kevin Martineau has been married 16 years and has three beautiful daughters (10, 7 and 4). He has the honour of serving God through his role as Pastor at Port Hardy Baptist Church on Northern Vancouver Island, British Columbia. He enjoys blogging, reading, photography and watching hockey.
Balance, Fatherhood, Parents, Responsibility in Parents
Reader Comments (5)
Love the post Kevin. Priorities are so important, especially thinking through them. I know it's almost taken for granted, but relationship with God has to be our overarching priority too. Without His power, strength, and love we will never be able to love our family well. Always enjoy your stuff Kevin.
Thanks Matt! I agree. God is and has to be my #1 priority! I guess I shouldn't take for granted that everyone assumes that! :)
I do not have the years in marriage you do, but I can tell you this same priority list has driven us since day one.
God, Spouse, Children....everything else.
I would suggest that Church involvement comes after family as well. Too many times we allow our church involvement to crowd out our family responsibility. The stuff we do through our local church is good and important, but our responsibility for our personal relationship with Christ and our roles as husband and father do not need to be crowded out by our busy-ness.
I am not offering an excuse to be uninvolved in Church. Rather, I am saying everything has its proper place.
So right. I don't always measure up, but I do try and I get better the more I practice. It takes a constant reevaluation of where we are. If we forget to assess these priorities regularly then we probably aren't doing a very good job because certain things are "natural" for us to lean to. Great reminders and great post, Kevin.
Yes, you do have to make sure you don't forget to pamper yourself. They say that girls are more demanding than boys.
OK, I can agree with that. HA!
Even though I don't have a son I have a daughter and I understand the importance of giving the attention and quality time that children deserve. Your wife is truly blessed and so is the rest of your family. Cheers!
@Ileane