Gone Before We Know It
Wednesday, July 28, 2010 at 7:00AM MAD21 By Michelle (Graceful, Faith in the Everyday)
Feet padding soft, silhouette standing bedside while storm crashes. He crawls in, asleep in seconds, arm flung over head, hair frizzled flat, thighs pale-moon soft. I watch him sleep, drinking in that bit of baby still left.
He cries while we watch Free Willy, worried about the whale -- brow crinkled, tears brimming lashes, mouth agape in wailing oh.
“We forget he’s still just five,” says Brad as I shush and console, stroke sunset curls, murmuring reassurances that Willy will indeed prevail.
It seems I’ve forgotten all along, so bent was I on surviving the trials of mothering infants and toddlers. And now, on the eve of too-late, I grip tight, finally not wanting to let go.
All those elderly ladies at the grocery store, the post office, Walgreen’s, they always said the same thing as I chased tantrumming toddler, balanced squirming babe on shifting hip. “Enjoy it now,” the ladies admonished. “It goes by so quick. They’ll be grown before you know it.”
I would nod, murmur an appropriate response and smile while my mind swam with bitter retorts. “Easy for you to say, lady…how ‘bout you take this one for the afternoon.” Back then there were hours, whole days in fact, when I couldn’t get those babies to grow up quickly enough.
Part of me knew they were right, of course, those ladies I met halfway down the pasta aisle, in the snaking line for postage stamps. It did go by so fast. Those chubby legs grew lean and strong. Round faces etched cheekbones, lost multiple chins.
They still need me, these boys. But they need me less. And less.
During our visit to Massachusetts I gladly carried my nephew. Picked him up, shifted him onto left hip, cleaned kitchen counters one-handed. It’s been awhile since I’ve carried one of my boys. Noah I simply can’t – too tall, too lanky, too grown-up. And Rowan, he’ll have none of that, preferring to skip ahead as we walk or lag grumpily behind like a peevish pre-teen.
When they used to want to be carried, sometimes I resisted. “Carry wound, carry wound,” Noah insisted, arms outstretched, when he was two or three. “Just a minute, hold on a sec…” I’d reply, squeezing in one more sponge sweep across counter, one more dish on rack before picking up my child.
I hold them a little bit tighter now. Welcome the little one into my bed more eagerly, too, as lightning flashes and trees toss. I know this time won’t last. The elderly ladies were right. They knew. The time is gone before we know it.
Michelle is a Christian wife and mother of two originally from Massachusetts now living in Nebraska. She is a part-time writer, editor and fundraiser for Nebraska PBS/NPR. Michelle loves to write about how her family illuminates God's presence in her everyday life, and on finding (and keeping) faith in the everyday. Michelle enjoys reading, running and writing. Be sure to go visit her blog, Graceful, Faith in the Everyday.
Kids, Kids & Family, Parenting, Parents in Parents
Reader Comments (15)
Oh, how I needed this reminder today. Thanks, Michelle. That was a great post.
We just never know....I lost a nephew (22) in Decemeber and a student (14) in February. Both deaths were unexpected. I wish I could rewind and hold my own more. Read more. Play more. Thanks for the reminder, Michelle.
Oh Kendal, I'm so sorry for your losses. It's so hard to walk through the pain and grief. My thoughts are with you today.
Billy, thank you! I will need to re-read my own post in the future, I'm sure, to remind myself once again of how time is so fleeting. It's so easy to get caught up in the craziness of everyday life.
Those old ladies...they always know, don't they?
They still need us...just in a different way. I've swallowed past the lump in my throat to figure that out.
Seeing them grow and become, though, is a wondrous process. But those "little years" are so precious.
Seriously Deidra, they DO know. They used to bug me sometimes, the old commenting ladies, when I was having an especially crabby day, with crabby kids. But they were mostly right!
Laura, Swallowed past the lump in my throat to figure that out -- yes.
Oh, I think I'm feeling a little down because summer is over, and time just seems to be racing. I'm not ready to stop hearing "Up, please, up please".
Thank you for sharing, and I agree..the elderly ladies are right.
As my oldest gets ready to be in school all day, everyday, and my youngest going to preK three mornings a week, I'm finding myself longing for them already. This is one of the worst parts of parenting, that's for sure... having to figure out how to let go when you don't want to. Seems the more you try to slow time down to enjoy things, the faster it goes.
Thanks so much for this, Michelle. Wonderful post, as usual.
Being one of those "elder ladies" I am now watching this happen with my only grandchild. There always seems to be a letting go involved in love.
It goes way too fast, and yet I a m very blessed to have had the opportunity to see my children grow, after being diagnosed with a rare and incurable bone cancer. My youngest son will be leaving home to attend college out of state and it will be the first time in 30 years that I have a child-less home
Oh, Kristi, I can't even imagine. I praise God that you were blessed with the opportunity to see your children grow up. I pray that you continue to do well.
Thanks Ginny! I was diagnosed in May, 2002, went thru a surgery, and afterwards, the most intensive chemo that they give in the hospital for 5 days and nights in a row for 16 weeks. I still see my oncologist every s months and am the only patient that he has had, where this terrible cancer hasn't come back.
Kristi -- I am so happy to see you here...and so blessed to see you in "real" life every day! All of us who know you are grateful for your continuing good health. And what a milestone...seeing your son off to college this year. I can't Noah and Rowan at that point, but I know the time will come faster than I wish.
By the way, Rowan still has the happy swaying flower you gave him -- it sits on his windowsill!
See you tomorrow! :)
Oh Susan, I can't possibily think of you as "elderly!" You are a youthful spirit and a creative, lovely, giving person. Glad to see you here...thanks for your comment!
It's different for fathers, but not completely. I know I need to enjoy every moment, but the things that pressure seem to get the most attention. Those are the times I have to stop and decide which is more important. I need a lot more of the clear-thinking moments. Thanks Michelle.